It's been a week

I can't believe Raef is almost a week old. It has been the longest yet fastest week of my life. I'm very drained... Just tired and emotionally exhausted. I have learned so much in one week. As hard as this is, I can see why Heavenly Father thought I needed to experience this. My heart has opened up in a way that I can't explain and I can't even comprehend what my friends that have lost babies have gone through. There have been parts of this week where I was very sad, or even mad, but I do feel like this was in the plan for me. Even though our family has been separated a lot this week, I feel like we're drawing closer together, which is such a blessing. I also feel a renewed sense of what is most important in life and where my priorities need to be. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

I'm not even sure where to start with Raef, because with how much that has happened and the state of my brain, I don't think I could accurately explain what's going on. Basically, he has an infection that he either developed inside of me or was passed through him during delivery. He did poop inside me, which may also be a cause of that, but it's really hard to tell what and why with newborns. He's been getting antibiotics and hopefully we'll see some improvement really soon. His lungs are still premature. Yesterday things got really bad and he was breathing so fast. It was a really scary experience. Raef was given a dose of surfactant to help open up his lungs and put on the ventilator, because he was so tired. The poor boy was just so worn out. His lungs were collapsing again, but the x-ray this morning showed that they opened up a lot. Because he needed the ventilator, he was transferred to chandler regional hospital. I kind of wish they just did this from the start. He's so much happier and more comfortable here. I feel like he's getting the special treatment he needs. Plus, it's so hard to have such a big setback. He seems to be doing better, but he'll let us know when he's ready.

This has been such a different experience for me. I'm not a big fan of the Americanized stand on medicine. I rarely take my kids to the dr and have never dealt with any big problems... Like ear infections, or anything that would need antibiotics. Don't get me wrong, we've had our own situations. For instance, Sky is allergic to peanuts. I take her to see an allergist when I feel like she needs it, but for the most part, taking care of her skin is just more work than anything a dr could do. Now I have a baby who is a week old that is on antibiotics, has taken an ambulance ride, and who has dr's calling all the shots for him. I'm not a fan. There's some nurses or neonatologists I like better than others. I also felt like he needed surfactant 2 days ago, so it was really upsetting to me that they waited until things got so bad to do it. I'm just praying he makes some improvements fast.

I haven't even left the hospital in over a day. I'm too scared to leave him. I feel like he needs me and he's much more calm with me here. The poor little guy does not like to be messed with. He just wants sleep and rest, but the nurses tell me how patient and sweet he is. Oh, he better be after putting me through all this trouble! The boy has so many people that love him! I can't wait to take him home, and at home is where we will stay all winter! Haha. Thank you friends for checking up on me and showing me love... It really does make a difference. :)