Raef is 1month old

My little man is a month old now. So crazy. My due date is this Saturday. Ha. Raef is a really good baby. He just eats and sleeps right now. I love him like crazy. I'm pretty convinced he's going to be the sweetest and cutest little boy ever. To me, of course. ;) he's my little cuddle buddy lately, but he's totally fine being on his own. I felt bad leaving him sleeping all day long, so I got a moby wrap. I REALLY like it. Never thought I would be one of those moms, but I never had 3 kids either. It's nice to not feel like I'm neglecting him and still be able to do everything. Came in super handy when I took Sky to dance today too. At his latest dr's visit he was 6lbs, 10oz and 20in. This next month will do a lot of good for us, I'm sure. :)

You won't see many posts like this from me...

Let me tell you why having a preterm baby totally jipps you from the happy new baby experience...

1: by the time your baby comes home, everyone has already brought you dinner and watched your kids.

2: your husband has no time left to take off of work and bills still have to be paid

3: everyone around you is afraid to get your baby sick so nobody comes to visit

4: even though it's been almost a month since you had the baby, it still feels like yesterday, because you're such a zombie from getting no sleep and rest.

5: your older kids decide to gang up on you and see how much they can get away with while mom is busy nursing or pumping or trying not to fall asleep.

Usually I'm a pretty optimistic person. I've been thrown a few crazy situations in my few married and mom years... I can proudly say that most of the time I have handled them pretty well. God just must think I'm some kind of rock star of a mom or something. I can't believe I'm even doing everything that I am or have been and staying as sane as I am. I think it takes a good month to adjust to a new baby. That month is precious time to get to know each other and figure out your new family together. This experience has been very different for me, because I have felt alone a lot and absolutely nothing went the way I envisioned it. Like my midwife said when I met with her last week, "having a preterm baby is a traumatic experience." It sounds awful, because it's such a joyous time, but I couldn't agree more.

I know this will only be for a short while and I'm going to come out of this on top though... Whenever "out" may be. Let me tell you why...

1: my kids are still living

2: I have been quite patient on the outside when all I want to do is yell

3: i managed to go grocery shopping this week and mop our kitchen

4: I even planned a nice fhe for Monday

5: Dinner has still been made, even if it has consisted of mostly potatoes and burritos

6: this blog is slowly turning into therapy, so I can calmly block out the crying of my 19month old who suddenly wants to fight naps. Also when i cried after calling my midwife and she told me the only thing to stop bleeding is to "take it easy." Ha!!

Oh, and a few pics to prove that we actually are still enjoying ourselves...